Why Am I Single

Why am I single?

It’s a valid question, I suppose. I am asked that question on an all too regular basis. How does someone answer that question? There is the simplistic lie: “Because I want to be.” I call it a lie because I believe that people innately desire companionship. Even the most non-committal or just oh-so-spiritual person you know will be in a relationship if he or she finds the right person. I know I sound hopelessly romantic and maybe I am. But, I never believe someone who says they don’t want to date right now or they are focusing on career/school or whatever. Nope. He/she just hasn’t found the person that makes them want to abandon their foolishness. So, maybe that’s the answer. Maybe I am still single because I haven’t found the right person and I have zero desire to date the wrong person. Let me be clear, I'm not talking about marriage or finding "the one". I mean the right person to date for the time in my life that I am in. There is a big difference. There's a lot less pressure on the latter. Anyway, maybe I am single because...

I go to Ohio University.
Twenty thousand people in that school divided by race reminiscent of the 1960s. Therefore, as a black female, that twenty thousand dwindles down to 693 (I checked OU’s enrollment statistics for Spring 2008). I guesstimate that at least 400 of that 700 are females. 300 guys left. 299 are younger than I am. That leaves one. I have no idea who that one person is, but imagining that one makes life interesting haha. And I don’t even insist on an IBM (Ideal Black Man). I am more in search of a MAC (Man of Any Color). Dogs come in all breeds and I can't be counting out gems cuz I'm stuck on race and silly stereotypes. LOL. But at OU, interracial interaction, let alone dating, barely exists outside of the classroom, so we are talking about black dating prospects at OU. Dismal. I used to feel like my college experience was incomplete because I never dated anyone there. I have since gotten over that. Can’t have it all.

“I been there, I dunn that”
It’s not like I’ve always been single. Nope. I used to date every other guy that looked twice at me. I used to think I was the enforcer of every man’s right to date a girl he likes. Equal Opportunity Dater shoulda been a sign on my forehead. We’re talking the who’s who list of jerks in Columbus and Atlanta. Hahaha. Okay, they weren’t all jerks. I was definitely a jerk to some of them (sorry). But, for the most part, these dudes were dirty, dirty and they weren’t all in the south either. I mean, there were the ones who smoked and sold weed, had children, didn’t see graduating from high school as a necessity, spent time in prison, stalked me, lied to me about being a Christian, had no idea what the heck was going on in the world, possessed zero ambition, oh and, of course, the one too many who threatened (and followed through) on having sex with another girl if I didn’t have sex with him…one even had sex with a girl at church while I was upstairs at choir practice. Praise the Lord. Hahaha. Some of them have cleaned up their act now (we were young), but I’ve never been one to read an old newspaper. For what? Especially not one that I snotted and cried all over (and that’s especially if I took the breakup that hard). I make a conscious effort not to date replicas of old boyfriends and I have never once dated an actual old boyfriend.

I’m picky
That’s my mom saying that. Notice the above paragraph. Clearly not. Maybe now I am picky maybe, but that is because I’ve dated every other type of guy there is to date. All that is left is a good guy haha. So, now I have a list which I will not divulge here. But from the list in the above paragraph you can be certain that I have a no-brainer-this-is-a-deal-breaker list. Haha.

I (sometimes) like guys who don’t like me.
This is self-explanatory. Any girl who has ever liked a guy who showed virtually no real interest in her except in the most convenient of circumstances knows what I am talking about. He is a bad decision because every moment spent with him, thinking about him, talking about him or whatever is a colossal waste of time. There is absolutely no future there. Pretending not to care about that or worse not to unequivocally know that is, quite frankly, utterly, incomprehensibly ridiculous. Any investment in him will guarantee zero, or worse, negative returns. I used to think I could make any guy like me. I'm growing up and realizing that any guy I have to work to get, I will have to work to keep, and well, that's just too much work. I have wasted valuable time on this one haha….wait, it’s really not funny.

I am all over the place
This is my favorite excuse. One that is hard to argue with. I live in Athens during school; I am from Columbus; I was in NYC all summer; I am going to Atlanta for three months in September; I am going back to Athens for six months in January; and I have no idea what I am going to be doing or where I will be after I graduate 6/13/09 (mark your calendar!). It’s hard enough to make decisions on my own, but having to make decisions based on another person would just be too much for me. And when I go places, I know I’m only there for a little bit so any guy who tries to make something official with me, I determine that he is “doing too much” and he never hears from me again.

I am not trying to get married right now
When people think of girls and dating they think every girl is looking for a man to drag down the aisle. Marriage will be nice in due season, but I’m twenty-two. I’m still young and having fun. This presents the predicament of guys who don’t want to date me in fear that I will expect them to ask me to marry him. Then there are the ones who are only interested in “wife”-ing me up. I don’t want to be anyone’s wife. Real or pseudo. I wouldn’t mind being someone’s girlfriend, but wife is a bit much for me right now.

And it’s not that I don’t like being single. I think there are upsides and downsides.

I mean, it’s nice to think to myself, “I want to go to the zoo” and then call him and say “let’s go to the zoo on Saturday” And he is like, “okay, cool.” There’s no weirdness. Pretty much the best thing about being in an actual, serious relationship is having an unspoken date for everything from lazy Sunday afternoons watching television to road trips out of town for a weekend. It kind of sucks sometimes thinking that I want to do something and can’t think of anyone to do it with, so I just don’t do it. Clearly, there is a reason why I STILL haven’t seen Dark Knight lol.

But there are definitely upsides to single life. I can do whatever I want without someone blowing up my phone asking me where I’m at, what am I doing, why am I doing it, how am I paying for it and blah, blah, blah. If you really think about it, all that checking in is ridiculous. Leave me alone! Lol. If I want to sit in my room watching Friends on DVD for three hours while devouring ice cream, I don’t have to have someone say, “Haven’t you seen every episode? Why are you watching that? I thought you said you weren’t eating all that ice cream anymore? I thought you were going to call me when you woke up!” It gets annoying. And there is no he-said/she-said D-R-A-M-A (enough said on that one haha).

Again, it’s not that I don’t like being single. Sometimes it’s the greatest thing ever. I have rediscovered that I have a family, female friends, talent and a neglected relationship with God. Being single is not all bad. I just don’t like being asked why I am single. I guess it’s a flattering question…especially if it comes from a guy. But it also makes me start to question too, why AM I single? And that’s when it’s time for me to shrug my shoulders, mutter “Because I want to be” and go back to eating my ice cream and watching Season 4 of Friends on DVD…that show is hilarious! Lol.

Written on: 8/22/08